AAHHHHH!!!!!! Now don't you dare mess-up this one!!

I forbid you to BLOG on this one!!! You've confused me and messed up my thing for Marcia!!!!!! Don't you dare do the same to Mary Ann !!!!!! At this rate, the only thing left will be Mr. Ed !!!! (Wilbur's wife, not the horse you dolt!!)

Nooo! It's not true

Wait, Marcia Did What?

By Mike Krumboltz

Wed, September 26, 2007, 9:11 am PDT

Wholesome innocence was ripped a new one yesterday when rumors surfaced that former "Brady Bunch" star Maureen McCormick fooled around with co-star Eve Plumb while filming the famous sitcom.

After the "news" hit, searches on Ms. McCormick shot up a whopping 486%. Related lookups on "maureen mccormick pics," "maureen mccormick hot," and "brady lesbians" surged as well.

At first we suspected the salacious bit of information was "leaked" in order to pump up interest in McCormick's new book, a tell-all about her days as a teen idol. But that might be not the case. A rep from the publisher insists this is just a wild Internet rumor and the romance is pure fiction. Furthermore, it won't be included in the book.

Fiction or not, the lesbian tryst boosted interest in McCormick, Plumb, and several terms better left to the imagination. One would think the "scandal" would inspire interest in the book as well, but searches on "Here's the Story" are nearly non-existent.

Of course, that could change. The book doesn't hit shelves until 2008—plenty of time for Marcia to drum up more buzz. But now that the dirtiest laundry has already been aired, will this lovely lady with hair of gold have any more stories to tell?

Immigrant children struggle with America's junk food

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Adrian McHargh grew up active and skinny in Kingston, Jamaica. An enthusiastic swimmer, he had the pristine waters of the Caribbean for a playground until two years ago, when he and his family moved to America.


Before coming to America, Adrian McHargh played on the beach and ate healthy foods.

more photos » "I would always cook a healthy dinner," the 13-year-old's mother, Visha Siew-Narine, says about mealtime on the island. "When he came here, I think the fascination of having all this food that we couldn't afford in Jamaica, or that wasn't really available, that was kind of new to him."

In suburban Atlanta, things changed fast. The new foods were cheap, unhealthy and hard to resist: toaster waffles, corn dogs and the chocolate syrup Adrian liked so much he guzzled it straight from the bottle.

"I would eat a lot because I was bored," he says. "I was sitting on the couch just watching TV, not playing a lot."

Within months, Adrian was in trouble. He'd packed on 30 pounds. Doctors said he had hypertension, high cholesterol and was at high risk for type 2

so this is how we treat our illegals. fatten 'em up for the slaughter!!

Maiden Man Finds Human Foot In Auction Item

MAIDEN, N.C. -- A bargain shopper made a gruesome discovery after going to an auction in Maiden.

Shannon Whisnant found a human foot inside a cooker he bought at an auction. Police say Mini Warehouse Rentals held the auction because the man renting the storage unit didn't pay.

Police discovered that man had his foot amputated in 2004 after a plane crash, and he kept it in the cooker that was sold on Tuesday.

Whisnant said he hasn't decided what to do with the cooker.

Police say you can legally keep amputated body parts as long as it’s for religious purposes.


You have to watch this video at this website!!!

http://www.wsoctv.com/news/14203532/detail.html

The FAA, and its antiquated system, strike again!!

Radar fails in Memphis; hundreds of flights affected

ATLANTA, Georgia (CNN) -- Air traffic controllers were forced to use their personal cell phones to reroute hundreds of flights Tuesday after the Federal Aviation Administration's Memphis Center lost radar and telephone service for more than two hours, snarling air traffic in the middle of the nation.

This is why there are delays in all of the major airports.

Guilt Offsets as reported in the "Useless A Today"

Offset away our guilt
If we can buy ‘carbon offsets’ for our environmental missteps, why not for our other sins?

http://blogs.usatoday.com/oped/2007/09/offset-away-our.html

By Peter Schweizer


Some environmentalists are pushing a nifty idea to get people out of the moral quandary of being alarmed by CO2 emissions but not wanting to change their lifestyles. They are called "carbon offsets," and everyone from Al Gore to the Presbyterian Church is pushing them.

The idea provides a simple way to absolve you of your guilt.

(Illustration by Adrienne Lewis, USA TODAY)


Say you are wealthy and fly on a Gulfstream G400 jet. The plane will emit 1 ton of CO2 per passenger per hour. Flying commercial on a Boeing 777 will emit only .06 tons per passenger per hour. Wealthy environmentalists feel guilt about this, so they buy a carbon offset to supposedly reduce carbon emissions by an equal amount. The "offset" comes in the form of paying for solar panels or planting trees that "offset" the damage you have done. Buy an offset and — voilà— you are "carbon neutral."

Americans are snapping up these offsets, according to Time magazine, and public figures such as California Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and Sen. Dianne Feinstein, D-Calif., buy them regularly. In endorsing the practice, Time says the practice provides an opportunity to "pay for your carbon sins."

Offsets are a brilliant idea: They allow people to carry on with their current behavior, buy their way out of their obligations, and along the way declare their moral cleanliness. As The Seattle Times put it, offsets are basically an "eraser."

We all have areas of our life that we feel guilty about. So why limit offsets simply to the carbon we produce? Why not expand offsets to erase our other sins? After all, why should environmentalists have all the fun?

Here are some suggestions:

* The Adultery Offset. People who are caught in compromising positions could purchase an offset from a pro-marriage organization such as Focus on the Family. By buying the Adultery Offset, the guilty party would counterbalance their adultery footprint with a monogamous couple trained by this organization. Like the carbon-emitter absolved of carbon sin, this would allow an individual to be declared "adultery neutral" instantly. As with carbon offsets, the guilty parties would not actually have to stop engaging in adultery; he or she would simply need to write a check after every occurrence. Two enterprising Britons have even set up a satirical website called cheatneutral.com demonstrating how this could be done.

During the last Oscar ceremony, the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts and Science gave each Oscar presenter a carbon offset of 100,000 pounds of CO2, roughly double the average American's annual output. The Adultery Offset might prove to be even more popular in Hollywood.

* The Pilates Offset. Spending more time in the gym might be the best way to combat America's growing obesity crisis, but if you can't make it, don't worry. A Pilates Offset purchased from a local gym would absolve you of any of the weighty responsibility for obesity in America. With the offset, you would be paying for other people to become physically fit. Their increased buffness would neutralize your expanding waistline, and you would be "fat neutral."

Carbon offset companies offer decals that guilty Americans with large SUVs can put on their cars to declare that they are "carbon neutral." Obese Americans who purchased a Pilates Offset would receive a T-shirt declaring them physically fit, or at least "fat neutral." A Time article last October said you could buy carbon offsets as part of a "Low Carbon Diet." Why not offer them for real diets?

* The Tofu Offset. Do you want to tell your hip friends that you are vegan, but you just can't give up cheeseburgers? A simple solution would be to purchase a Tofu Offset from your local health foods store. With a TofuPass, you could maintain your status as a strict vegetarian without actually giving up the double-cheeseburger with bacon.

TerraPass, a carbon-offset company, calculates that if you drive 12,000 miles per year, you can offset your automobile's annual 20,000 pounds of carbon output with a $79.95 "Road Tripper" package.

To counteract that bacon double-cheeseburger, we could offer the "Whopper" package, which would allow you to indulge in your carnivorous habits but help fund vegan food stores. You could slap a sticker on your car that says "Eat Vegan" and still go through the McDonald's drive-through in good conscience.

* The Pamela Anderson Offset. If you are concerned about the humane treatment of animals but just love fur coats or veal piccata, this is the offset for you. By purchasing offsets from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, you would stay in the good graces of PETA activists without giving up these luxuries. Perhaps PETA could do the same for small mammals, too. Attend an animal rights rally in your fur coat. It will be OK when you show them your PETA offset.

If these offsets don't sound quite so appealing, don't be alarmed. True, you might be outsourcing your moral responsibilities for something you care about and paying off your obligations without changing your behavior. But if we do this right, offsets will give us all a chance to be morally clean, concerned citizens without actually making any changes in our life. What could be better than that?

Peter Schweizer is a research fellow at the Hoover Institution at Stanford University and co-editor of a new book, Landmark Speeches of the American Conservative Movement.

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Global Warming Takes another Hit !!

SHRINKAGE HAPPENS !!!!!
Ananova:
Deckchair trapped testicles
A Croatian man got a nasty surprise when he tried to get out of his deck chair and found his testicles had got stuck.
Mario Visnjic had gone swimming naked in the sea at the Valalta beach in western Croatia, reports 24sata.
His testicles had shrunk while in the cool sea and slipped through the wooden slats when he sat back down on his wooden deckchair.
But as he lay in the sun they expanded back to normal size and got stuck between the slats.
He was eventually freed after he called beach maintenance services on his mobile phone and they sent a member of staff to cut the deck chair in half.

http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_1937986.html

Oh! Marcia, Marcia! MARCIA!

Sometimes dreams do come true. I can't be the only guy in America that pictured this many long lonely evenings ago!

Oh! Marcia, Marcia! MARCIA!

BRADY BUNCH STAR REVEALS ALL ABOUT LESBIAN FLING WITH TV SISTER

Wholesome former THE BRADY BUNCH star MAUREEN MCCORMICK is set to reveal the beloved 70s TV series' most shocking secret in a new book - she and her on-screen sister had a lesbian fling. MCCormick's tell-all, Here's The Story, won't hit bookstores until 2008, but publishers are already buzzing about the big reveal. As well as talking candidly about her well-documented eating disorder and drug problems in the book, TV's Marcia Brady will come clean about a romance she had with co-star Eve Plumb, who played her sister Jan on the hit show. A source tells America's National Enquirer, "The most explosive comments will be how the then-blonde, blue-eyed cutie developed a crush on Eve Plumb, which led to some sexual play. "This book will certainly come as a shocker. While Maureen is not a lesbian, she reveals there were some sexual hijinks going on behind the scenes. "It's bizarre because she played such a virginal character on the show."

21/09/2007 02:36

Well, you gotta have something to balme

Idaho Man Blames Wild Sex for Car Crash

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

MOSCOW, Idaho — A 22-year-old carnival worker blames two friends having sexual intercourse in the back seat of his car for an accident in which his Chevrolet S-10 Blazer struck a telephone pole.

Joshua D. Frank, who is living in a trailer parked on the Latah County Fairgrounds, pleaded guilty Monday to a misdemeanor charge of failing to notify a police officer of a traffic accident. That's after he left the vehicle at the site of the mishap. He was fined $188.

Frank told Moscow Police Department officers that he was driving the vehicle near downtown early Saturday while a man and woman were having sex in the rear of the vehicle.

According to a probable cause affidavit, Frank told authorities that the actions of the pair in the back caused the Blazer, which "was top heavy anyway," to become "tippy" and lose control.

Frank left the accident scene with a minor head wound and returned to his trailer.

The other two occupants of the vehicle were treated for injuries, according to the affidavit, though further information on their condition wasn't available.

Not that there is anything wrong with it!

Isn't this an old Seinfeld episode?

Extremely straight men sue over gay announcement

Monday, September 10, 2007
How bad could it be if some of your old classmates wrongly thought you were gay? Maybe a bit annoying, you'd think. Slightly embarrassing, perhaps. Probably quite funny. But $1.5million worth of bad?
Two American men are suing their old university for £739,000 ($1.5million), after it wrongly printed an announcement that they'd become married 'life partners' in its newsletter.
After apparently falling victim to a prank, the quarterly magazine from American University in Washington D.C. wrongly said that 28-year-old Brett Royce and Ross Weil, 29, had got hitched in a ceremony in Boston last June. It claimed that Weil was leading figure in the 'Gay Rights Brigade', a non-existent organisation.
Now, Weil and Royce, who totally aren't gay, are suing their alma mater, claiming that it acted maliciously and with gross negligence, for example by not checking with them whether or not they'd had a gay wedding.
The lawsuit states that the deeply heterosexual Royce and Weil have been harmed by the false marriage allegation - although they insist that really, there's nothing wrong with being gay. It's just they aren't gay. Not gay. Hetero. Okay?
'It has nothing to do with homophobia,' their lawyer Michael Kaufman told the New York Post.

Give them an inch (of waistline)

This just goes to show that these wackos will never be happy until they control every facetof everyone's life!


Activists take Al Gore to task on his diet
By Philip Sherwell, Sunday Telegraph
Last Updated: 12:52pm BST 10/09/2007
He may be the hero of the environmental movement for his crusade against global warming but Al Gore is about to be targeted by animal rights activists over his carnivorous contribution to greenhouse gases.

Al Gore has come under fire for failing to highlight the impact of animal agriculture
Citing United Nations research that the meat industry is worse for the environment than driving and flying, animal rights groups are directing a campaign at the former American vice-president's diet.When he delivers a lecture on global warming in Denver next month, protesters will display billboards bearing a cartoon image of Mr Gore eating a drumstick and the message: "Too chicken to go vegetarian? Meat is the No 1 cause of global warming".
The campaign is being organised by People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (Peta) and is backed by other animal rights groups.
"For Al Gore, the fact that his diet is a leading contributor to global warming is a highly inconvenient truth - pun intended," said Matt Prescott, a spokesman for Peta.
Mr Gore won an Oscar this year for An Inconvenient Truth, the documentary based on his lecture-circuit presentation detailing how man is allegedly destroying the environment.
But he is now under fire for failing to highlight the impact of meat-eating.
According to recent UN Food and Agriculture Organisation research, animal agriculture generates 18 per cent of the world's greenhouse gas emissions - more than the 13.5 per cent produced by all forms of transport combined.
Mr Gore's eating habits have previously drawn attention only because of his dramatic weight fluctuations.
He cut a far slimmer figure in the run-up to the 2000 election than since - and observers would regard a reduction in his waistline as a likely sign that he intends join the Democrats' race for the White House next year.

Proof that Manta Rays must have small mouths..

Testicles and tentacles: Seamen show their derring-do by doing denizens of the deep

is this what happened to the "Crocodile Hunter"????

Jitsuwa Knuckles SpecialTaro Makeburu, a stage comedian, used to be a fisherman. A resident of the Izu Islands, he enrolled in a public high school whose curriculum, understandably, offered numerous subjects related to oceanography.

Magazine columnist Kureichi Matsuzawa has long been a fan of Makeburu's humorous fish stories, which, Matsuzawa notes, can't get too raunchy or personal when he's performing in public as they might alienate the audience.

But get him in private and, well, you wind up reeling in something a bit bestial.

We're not talking about legends of making it with mesmerizing mermaids, but something that's the genuine thing. Like manta rays.

"Almost everybody in the fishing business has had sex with a manta at some point," Makeburu asserts.

What!!! A manta??? You mean one of those enormous, intimidating winged things with a stinger on their tail that looks like an aquatic Batman?

Yep. After all, fisherman out on ships spend a loooonggg time at sea without ever encountering a woman, and, well, let's face it, they can get pretty horny. No, dammit, let's make that incredibly horny. Even desperate enough to do it with a manta. Right?

"Nah," shrugs Makeburu. "Coastal fishermen poke them too."

Apparently it's a ritual of manhood, done out of recognition of the dangers of life on the sea.

Before mounting one of these intimidating creatures, points out J.K. special, it is "absolutely essential" that its stinger be removed. Yes, that certainly would make sense.

And of course, there's the matter of protocol. To wit, the ship's captain, if he so chooses, is entitled to go first.

Is your mind suitably boggled? No? Ready for some more?

"A manta's ... thing is kind of similar to a human's," Makeburu says.

Japanese fishermen prove the old adage that there are plenty of fish in the sea. (Mainichi)Okay, well ... not exactly. More than a reproductive organ, it's basically an organ of elimination. So engaging in sex with a manta is basically an act of deep-sea sodomy.

"It's shallow and there's resistance at the other end, so the feeling isn't that good," is how he describes it.

At least the manta survives the violation. "With most fish, we just whack 'em, but we release the manta's we screw back into the ocean," Makeburu relates.

A curious Matsuzawa wonders ... if the captain had an STD, wouldn't the other crew members who had sex with the manta contract it too?

"That's right," grins Makeburu. "So some guys slip on condoms before they do it. Once I came down with the clap. But we were in port around that time and I did it with a woman, so I don't have any way of knowing if I picked it up from her, or from the manta."

Is it common, then, for marine students to lose their virginity to a manta?

"Well, no, actually it's more common for them to lose it to a moray eel," he confides.

What??!! Isn't that, like, dangerous, as in crazy?

"You can stick it in until it bites," he says. "But if you pull it away too fast the skin on your XXXX will tear."

Apparently once out of the water a moray becomes less aggressive. So you can force its mouth open with your hands, and then stick in your XXXX and let it chew on your chin-chin (Japanese for XXXX).

Of course you can't actually call that sex either; it's only oral sex. Or as an Italian fisherman might croon, "That's a moray!"

An isoginchaku comes in handy for those lonely nights at sea. (Mainichi)Should you happen to find yourself climbing on a seaside crag, you might come across a type of anemone known as "isoginchaku." And this, says Makeburu, bodes well for some fishy frolic.

The creature gets its name from the old Japanese coin purse called a "kinchaku," which puckers tightly in the center when you pull on the drawstrings.

"So if you stick in your you-know-what, it'll snap shut around it," he says. "You don't need any foreplay at all. Just ram the old avenger home. It feels goooood," he grins, rolling his eyes.

Alas, sighs Jitsuwa Knuckles Special, Japan's fishing industry is fading fast, and the charming old customs it spawned appear almost certainly doomed. Someday, perhaps soon, all that will remain are these titillating tales, about romances between the men who went to sea and the obliging creatures they encountered therein. (By Masuo Kamiyama, contributing writer)

August 28, 2007
http://mdn.mainichi-msn.co.jp/waiwai/news/20070828p2g00m0dm002000c.html